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Clear Channel acquires FCC
The following satirical item was found floating around on a private
list where retired FCC field folk congregate:
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WASHINGTON (AP)-- The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) announced today that it has agreed to be acquired by Clear Channel Communications (CCU) of San Antonio, Texas.
In announcing the deal, FCC Chairman Michael Powell said "This transaction will greatly expedite the demise of the antiquated concept of local ownership of media outlets. Critics of deals such as this need to understand that Clear Channel embodies all that is good and decent in the broadcast industry. Anyone that believes otherwise clearly isn't listening to the news."
In a statement issued today, Clear Channel CEO Lowry Mays said "This acquisition is a perfect strategic fit for Clear Channel. The FCC has been a wonderful business partner for the past several years, and has carried out our directions with great enthusiasm. We are proud to welcome the FCC into the Clear Channel family of companies."
Although terms of the deal were not immediately available, It is said that the acquisition will include all components, operating units and assets of the FCC, except for its soul, which was sold in a prior transaction to Satan, Inc. in 1996.
Clear Channel, which owns broadcast facilities, shopping malls, billboard advertising, and concert promotion units all across North America, has been on an acquisition binge for the past several years, and has recently broadened the scope of its acquisitions to include government entities.
In a recent deal, CCU purchased a 50% interest in the U.S. Congress, and is reportedly close to striking a deal to purchase The White House.
Clear Channel's Stock stood at $42.09 at the close of Monday's trading, up $1.39, or 3.42%
User Comments
(These do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of this site)
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Cryxan
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Date: June 7, 2003 @ 10:12 PM
Ooh, ouch. Nice piece. :nod: And waaaay too close to home. :( |
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FadedInTheLight
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Date: June 7, 2003 @ 11:56 PM
In my area, CC owns like 6/8 of the music radio stations arround here. They also own one TV Channel. The TV channel constantly has commercials for the radio station, and radio station sponsored events. Once concert that Clear Channel is sponsoring is Beck at a 10k capacity venue, and tickets are $50 each. I know Beck is a good act, but $50 is insane! Im going to warped tour this summer in canida, and tickets were $31, and warped tour has like 40+ bands. I have no doubt that $50 a ticket has to do with the lack of competition in the area. Things are only going to get worse. |
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NiceGuy2003
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Date: June 8, 2003 @ 1:10 AM
Yup, of course things are going to get worse. Before long Clear Channel will have their own ISP, constantly throwing up pop-ups advertising their local radio stations, concerts and what have you. The same holds true for Wal-Mart.
Last spring, I helped a local Wal-Mart remodel its store. Well, they'd pulled in some supervisors from other local stores and I was remarking about how Wal-Mart is testing the idea of selling used cars at Wal-Mart for like $400. The guy was like "What, I didn't know that. Before you know it there'll be Wal-Mart strip clubs and beer joints."
It might as well be the truth. With the monopolization of things, before long, Wal-Mart will have to take over the local malls just to house everything. |
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independentm...
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Date: June 8, 2003 @ 8:35 AM
In a suprise move, Bill Gates cloned himself, as a female, transplanted his brain into the new body, married Rupert Murdoch, and then their offspring bought everything in the world. |
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ctenet
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Date: June 8, 2003 @ 2:08 PM
I'm not even sure what clear channel is. Do they do anything in the greater new york area (area within 50 miles of manhattan)?
Otherwise, this does sound like something that a large company would do. |
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FadedInTheLight
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Date: June 8, 2003 @ 5:51 PM
Clear Channel owns 5 radio stations in New York City area: Q104.3 (WAXQ), Z100 (WHTZ), KTU103.5 (WKTU), 106.7 Lite FM (WLTW), and POWER 105.1 (WWPR). Channel Entertainment either owns, operates, and/or exclusively books these following venues in your area: PNC Bank Arts Center, Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Theater, Roseland Ballroom, Westbury Music Fair, Irving Plaza, Beacon Theatre, and Ford Center for the Performing Arts. I hope this helps you in your understanding of how big CC is. All this info was found at www.clearchannel.com
Also while looking at this list i noticed that Clear Channel also exclusively books/operates the venue that Beck is playing at. |
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Litheon
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Date: June 8, 2003 @ 7:35 PM
That line about the FCC's soul being sold to Satan Inc. was pretty good.
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mtekk
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Date: June 8, 2003 @ 8:58 PM
Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! Don't sell the FCC to Clear Channel, they own all the music starions except one in my city and they constantly have commercials. If this is true we are screwed, they are like on the right hand of the RIAA who is on the right hand of the Satan. Noooooo!!!
Let's call them an monopoly, which they are, then make big brother government break them up, just like what the did to American Standard, and AT&T. |
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FadedInTheLight
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Date: June 8, 2003 @ 11:21 PM
Actualy if you go to Clear channels web site, they have a scathing review of the FCCs decision to re-regulate radio! |
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FadedInTheLight
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Date: June 8, 2003 @ 11:31 PM
lmao. According to the press release from the FCC, they didn't change how many radio stations can be owned in one market. It stayed the same. The thing that did change, was who could own what, and that was moved twards de-regulation.
On the FCC's decision to re-regulate (in CC's view):
"Unfortunately, the FCC choses politics over the public interest, and American consumers will be the ultimate victims. We at Clear Channel will continue to keep our eye on the consumer, striving to provide the absolute best in entertainment, local news and information each and every day. Our listeners and the communities we serve deserve nothing less."
Thanks Clear Channel. I needed a goo laugh. |
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Remye
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Date: June 9, 2003 @ 7:38 AM
Okay.. I get this. If this could happen, maybe we should all put our pennies (or pence or whatever *smirk*) together and buy the RIAA?? Imagine that!
ttmmm |
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Litheon
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Date: June 10, 2003 @ 1:56 AM
Continue to keep our eye on the consumer...striving to provide the best in news etc. ROFL!!!! The direct translation of that is actualy: "We envision one radio station for the entire world. This station would be called W-ORLD and the slogan would be "Bringing you the best in no talent, brainless entertainment and doctored to suit _our_ needs news". Unfortunately there are laws against this sort of thing, but we're working on that. A few more outrageously priced concerts and promotions though and we will be able to afford to buy the FCC and to pay off all the congressmen to look the other way when we do. |
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Othersider
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Date: June 10, 2003 @ 8:05 AM
Roofles. :) |
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Aero-Zeppelin
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Date: June 10, 2003 @ 10:19 PM
yuck. i'm going to a grateful dead concert hosted by CC. :/ someone remind me why...? |
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